Divorce.

Well! This is the last class that we have for this class and the last time that I will be writing from here... maybe.

There are 6 stages of divorce

Emotional- not connected to each other
Legal-(of course the legally and lawfully)
Economic- spliting everything like the house or cars.
Coparental- still have to parent together
Community- dividing each other between friends and family
Psychic- Divorced but they are influenced by each other even though they are separated

However as divorce happens so and too often, the family will now be twice as hard as the marriage because of friends, family, and even children. 70% of people that are divorced said that they could or should save the marriage but they never did anything.

As we were discussing in class, doing something that causes a divorce is relationship suicide. As I have been married, I realized that marriage is something that is not easy, but what makes a great relationship is working through hard times and becoming great together.

Parenting

So this week's class was mind blowing for me. I loved all the information that I was able to obtain over parenting and the things that can make a great success to children growing up to become successful adults. I mean that is the point of parenting. The definition of parenting is to protect your children and prepare them to survive and thrive. 

The most important thing that really inspired me in the ways of parenting is showing that you love your child by holding them to a higher standard of living. I believe that a child can learn great responsibility and can control or understand the consequences of our actions. One way of action is plan in advance for the consequence if the child doing something wrong with your spouse. This way, if the child does something wrong, both parents know what to do and are able to not have any problems when it comes to the consequence of the child's action. Good or bad.

Also the most important part is sitting down with the child and telling them that consequence that the parents have talked about before talking to the child. For example. If the child is getting a new phone and might have a problem with text inapporiately or too late at night, the parents can talk to the child about the consequence of their actions. That way, the child knows what will happen if he brakes that rule however, it is essential that the parents live up to what they told the child. If they are letting them off and if it happens again.. or nothing ever happens, when the parents finally follow through the child says that it is unfair because he was never punished for that before now. The funny thing is is that the child is right! it isn't fair! He is now confused and upset with the parents. 

I know that we are all learning when it comes to having to parent a child. Heck, I don't even have kids yet! But this information happened in my home and I would have loved to learn a little bit more about the consequences of my actions or lack of to fully understand now that I am an adult and are dealing with the natural consequences of life. 

Conflict and Fathers

One of the great experiences I have had with my family is the relationship with my father. I have learned things from him that have helped me so much in my future. One of them is the relationship between conflict and peace. As conflicts arise in family situations, we tend to have something I call a pride war. There is a battle between what the one things opposed to the other. Each others pride gets mixed in with the conflict at hand and no one wins. I know that the bigger concern however, is whats right not who.

Through all the conflict and crisises in my life, my father has always been there for me and our family. He has always been a great example to me by doing the best things for my family even if it is a big sacrifice for him. As being a role model is not a simple or easy task. In the way that fathers treat other people, spend their time and money, and handle the joys and stresses of life, they provide a template of living for their children that often proves critical in guiding the behavior of their children, for better or worse.

As we come together with family, I am so blessed to have a great family that can always learn from the mistakes of our past through coping through our conflicts in life our family is greatly blessed my a strong father and Father in Heaven.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Why do bad things happen to good families??

When I was on my mission in the Philippines I was asked that question a lot. I even asked it a time or two in my lifetime and even to the people in the Philippines that were so great and loving, but still had hard trials in their lives. Sometimes when this question is not answered, we blame God. Today i hope to finally answer the question we all ask at least one point in our lives.

So why? Some of the reasons are opportunities to
1. Strengthen relations in our family and/or friends
2. We become greater. We can show ourselves what we are made of!!

An excellent example of this is hearing my parents talking about how poor they were when they were first married and they say they miss it!! Why on Earth would anyone miss being poor! They always have talked so fondly of that time. As we discussed the reasons why this could be such an amazing experience for my parents amongst something that is a big trial. One of the reasons is that my parents became stronger together. They grew stronger together through relying on each other, knowing what and how the money is spent and having the opportunity to help and support each other in hard times. I also believe that they learned to be happy with the small and simple things.Which brings me to another thought. What would happen if nothing bad ever happened and everything was great?

I know that we are not able to understand all the reasons why things happen that are difficult, but I know that we are able to have compassion and empathy for others that could be going through hard/ difficulties that we have gone through. We can be their angel sent to answer their prayers. I know from personal experience the feeling of needing help and that help finally coming.

In Chinese the word crisis means this -> 危機 and translated to English it means: danger and opportunity/chance. I know that crises in our lives can give us the opportunity to change and the chance to be closer to our friends, family, and our Savior.

Infidelity

So... why do people cheat on their significant other? As we talked about infidelity, we identified these steps.

1. Thoughts: It begins with the mind. We talked about fantasy and the effect of thinking about other people than your spouse.

2. Visual: Pornography, looking and admiring, and comparison of others and their bodies.

3. Romantic/ Emotional: connecting with others emotionally or even spiritually.

As we began talking, it is interesting that those that commit infidelity, usually never expected it. It usually just happens with old friends or those that share or shared personal/emotional/spiritual experiences. It is not just physical like I assumed. One of the greatest ways to have infidelity is at work. Those that are at work begin to gossip or talk about others and their personal life and begin to have friends and some of them become more than that.

I was told a story of a man at work that became friends with a women next to her. She was cute, sweet, and they had a lot in common. As the days, weeks, and months went on the man realized that he was starting to have a connection with this woman and he did not want that. So he went to his boss and requested to move, his boss first refused then as the man told his boss of the situation, he said of course and the man was moved. I realized by this story that infidelity is a choice and it can be a avoided. I know that some of the greatest sorrow is from infidelity, so BE STRONG and work through your problems and love the one you are with.

Mawriage...Does it bring us together??

So this week I learned a lot about marriage and that there are many problems when it come to adjusting to marriage. We first talked about the first month, first year, and then frist child. All these topics have a lot more than meets the eye.

For Example:
1st month: My husband and I just celebrated our 2 months together on Wednesday, so I can agree with all the things that we talked about at class. Some of them are

1. Change in sleeping arrangements
2. Co-dependent
3. roles in the relationship
4. Sharing shower time, mirror time, and just sharing period.
5. spending changes. Budgeting
6. eating changes.
7. Cleaning
8. Family rituals like Family Home Evening, family prayer, and scripture study
9. time with friends and family
10. Use of cell phone, Facebook, and data.

As we talked about all these changes in a matter of one day can definitely cause problems, unless talked about before marriage. But honestly, I don't think that can solve all your problems because you dont realized that it could be a huge challenge tell it is happening, like sleeping together. It was amazing! For me, the first week, I don't think I got any sleep because it was just so weird that someone was sharing a bed with me. haha or that temperature was such a big deal. My husband doesn't like to sleep with blankets and I cant sleep without one. if I tried to cuddle, he would shove me off because I was too hot. haha Thing have changed a little since then, he will sleep with a blanket, but the cuddling is a hit and miss.... ANYWAYS. Marriage is as good as your communication. Before and after getting married. Communication can save a lot of stress and pain. Marriage is scary, but it really does bring us together and I have never been so happy in my life then now being married to the man of my dreams. Doesn't mean that we have problems, but we know how to communicate and become better people in the mean time.

Cohabitation. Good or Bad?

So I have heard a lot about cohabitation and if it is a good thing to cohabit before marriage or if it is just a bad idea all together. This topic has been studied over and over. but why? It is because the hypothesis of those testing it are always proven incorrect.

Pros: Most of the hypothesis are pro cohabitation because it was believed that living together before marriage would enhance the relationship and could prevent marriage problems in the future. Seems about right. 

However, a statistic came out that stated that 3 out of 5 marriages that began with cohabitation ended in divorce. Wait. What? How is that possible? 

Cons: Some of the problems that no one really thought about is that cohabitation is not a commitment like marriage is, there could be a lack of trust, and patterns are established. 

Patterns are established when individuals continue to be individuals with a new roommate. People are just in their own ways and don't sway from that. For example, when a couple that was cohabiting gets married, have their own seperate things like cars, insurance, bank accounts, and just different ways of life. Our teacher told us of a story of a couple that he saw that were having problems in their marriage and the man said that he is worried for his pregnant wife, and my teacher asked why and the man stated that he is worried that she will not be able to pay her half of the rent because she is not going to work as often. 

The story of the worried husband taught me an important lesson that even though marriage is more of a risk to blindly begin to live together after marriage, it is something that helps us become one. When hard times come we work together to fix it because we are now sharing bank accounts, cars, talents, goals, hopes, and dreams. We are committed to each other and our other half. I know that my husband and I have a long way to go in enduring through life, but we are bound together in all aspects of life, and that is what I believe makes a successful marriage.