Divorce.

Well! This is the last class that we have for this class and the last time that I will be writing from here... maybe.

There are 6 stages of divorce

Emotional- not connected to each other
Legal-(of course the legally and lawfully)
Economic- spliting everything like the house or cars.
Coparental- still have to parent together
Community- dividing each other between friends and family
Psychic- Divorced but they are influenced by each other even though they are separated

However as divorce happens so and too often, the family will now be twice as hard as the marriage because of friends, family, and even children. 70% of people that are divorced said that they could or should save the marriage but they never did anything.

As we were discussing in class, doing something that causes a divorce is relationship suicide. As I have been married, I realized that marriage is something that is not easy, but what makes a great relationship is working through hard times and becoming great together.

Parenting

So this week's class was mind blowing for me. I loved all the information that I was able to obtain over parenting and the things that can make a great success to children growing up to become successful adults. I mean that is the point of parenting. The definition of parenting is to protect your children and prepare them to survive and thrive. 

The most important thing that really inspired me in the ways of parenting is showing that you love your child by holding them to a higher standard of living. I believe that a child can learn great responsibility and can control or understand the consequences of our actions. One way of action is plan in advance for the consequence if the child doing something wrong with your spouse. This way, if the child does something wrong, both parents know what to do and are able to not have any problems when it comes to the consequence of the child's action. Good or bad.

Also the most important part is sitting down with the child and telling them that consequence that the parents have talked about before talking to the child. For example. If the child is getting a new phone and might have a problem with text inapporiately or too late at night, the parents can talk to the child about the consequence of their actions. That way, the child knows what will happen if he brakes that rule however, it is essential that the parents live up to what they told the child. If they are letting them off and if it happens again.. or nothing ever happens, when the parents finally follow through the child says that it is unfair because he was never punished for that before now. The funny thing is is that the child is right! it isn't fair! He is now confused and upset with the parents. 

I know that we are all learning when it comes to having to parent a child. Heck, I don't even have kids yet! But this information happened in my home and I would have loved to learn a little bit more about the consequences of my actions or lack of to fully understand now that I am an adult and are dealing with the natural consequences of life. 

Conflict and Fathers

One of the great experiences I have had with my family is the relationship with my father. I have learned things from him that have helped me so much in my future. One of them is the relationship between conflict and peace. As conflicts arise in family situations, we tend to have something I call a pride war. There is a battle between what the one things opposed to the other. Each others pride gets mixed in with the conflict at hand and no one wins. I know that the bigger concern however, is whats right not who.

Through all the conflict and crisises in my life, my father has always been there for me and our family. He has always been a great example to me by doing the best things for my family even if it is a big sacrifice for him. As being a role model is not a simple or easy task. In the way that fathers treat other people, spend their time and money, and handle the joys and stresses of life, they provide a template of living for their children that often proves critical in guiding the behavior of their children, for better or worse.

As we come together with family, I am so blessed to have a great family that can always learn from the mistakes of our past through coping through our conflicts in life our family is greatly blessed my a strong father and Father in Heaven.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Why do bad things happen to good families??

When I was on my mission in the Philippines I was asked that question a lot. I even asked it a time or two in my lifetime and even to the people in the Philippines that were so great and loving, but still had hard trials in their lives. Sometimes when this question is not answered, we blame God. Today i hope to finally answer the question we all ask at least one point in our lives.

So why? Some of the reasons are opportunities to
1. Strengthen relations in our family and/or friends
2. We become greater. We can show ourselves what we are made of!!

An excellent example of this is hearing my parents talking about how poor they were when they were first married and they say they miss it!! Why on Earth would anyone miss being poor! They always have talked so fondly of that time. As we discussed the reasons why this could be such an amazing experience for my parents amongst something that is a big trial. One of the reasons is that my parents became stronger together. They grew stronger together through relying on each other, knowing what and how the money is spent and having the opportunity to help and support each other in hard times. I also believe that they learned to be happy with the small and simple things.Which brings me to another thought. What would happen if nothing bad ever happened and everything was great?

I know that we are not able to understand all the reasons why things happen that are difficult, but I know that we are able to have compassion and empathy for others that could be going through hard/ difficulties that we have gone through. We can be their angel sent to answer their prayers. I know from personal experience the feeling of needing help and that help finally coming.

In Chinese the word crisis means this -> 危機 and translated to English it means: danger and opportunity/chance. I know that crises in our lives can give us the opportunity to change and the chance to be closer to our friends, family, and our Savior.

Infidelity

So... why do people cheat on their significant other? As we talked about infidelity, we identified these steps.

1. Thoughts: It begins with the mind. We talked about fantasy and the effect of thinking about other people than your spouse.

2. Visual: Pornography, looking and admiring, and comparison of others and their bodies.

3. Romantic/ Emotional: connecting with others emotionally or even spiritually.

As we began talking, it is interesting that those that commit infidelity, usually never expected it. It usually just happens with old friends or those that share or shared personal/emotional/spiritual experiences. It is not just physical like I assumed. One of the greatest ways to have infidelity is at work. Those that are at work begin to gossip or talk about others and their personal life and begin to have friends and some of them become more than that.

I was told a story of a man at work that became friends with a women next to her. She was cute, sweet, and they had a lot in common. As the days, weeks, and months went on the man realized that he was starting to have a connection with this woman and he did not want that. So he went to his boss and requested to move, his boss first refused then as the man told his boss of the situation, he said of course and the man was moved. I realized by this story that infidelity is a choice and it can be a avoided. I know that some of the greatest sorrow is from infidelity, so BE STRONG and work through your problems and love the one you are with.

Mawriage...Does it bring us together??

So this week I learned a lot about marriage and that there are many problems when it come to adjusting to marriage. We first talked about the first month, first year, and then frist child. All these topics have a lot more than meets the eye.

For Example:
1st month: My husband and I just celebrated our 2 months together on Wednesday, so I can agree with all the things that we talked about at class. Some of them are

1. Change in sleeping arrangements
2. Co-dependent
3. roles in the relationship
4. Sharing shower time, mirror time, and just sharing period.
5. spending changes. Budgeting
6. eating changes.
7. Cleaning
8. Family rituals like Family Home Evening, family prayer, and scripture study
9. time with friends and family
10. Use of cell phone, Facebook, and data.

As we talked about all these changes in a matter of one day can definitely cause problems, unless talked about before marriage. But honestly, I don't think that can solve all your problems because you dont realized that it could be a huge challenge tell it is happening, like sleeping together. It was amazing! For me, the first week, I don't think I got any sleep because it was just so weird that someone was sharing a bed with me. haha or that temperature was such a big deal. My husband doesn't like to sleep with blankets and I cant sleep without one. if I tried to cuddle, he would shove me off because I was too hot. haha Thing have changed a little since then, he will sleep with a blanket, but the cuddling is a hit and miss.... ANYWAYS. Marriage is as good as your communication. Before and after getting married. Communication can save a lot of stress and pain. Marriage is scary, but it really does bring us together and I have never been so happy in my life then now being married to the man of my dreams. Doesn't mean that we have problems, but we know how to communicate and become better people in the mean time.

Cohabitation. Good or Bad?

So I have heard a lot about cohabitation and if it is a good thing to cohabit before marriage or if it is just a bad idea all together. This topic has been studied over and over. but why? It is because the hypothesis of those testing it are always proven incorrect.

Pros: Most of the hypothesis are pro cohabitation because it was believed that living together before marriage would enhance the relationship and could prevent marriage problems in the future. Seems about right. 

However, a statistic came out that stated that 3 out of 5 marriages that began with cohabitation ended in divorce. Wait. What? How is that possible? 

Cons: Some of the problems that no one really thought about is that cohabitation is not a commitment like marriage is, there could be a lack of trust, and patterns are established. 

Patterns are established when individuals continue to be individuals with a new roommate. People are just in their own ways and don't sway from that. For example, when a couple that was cohabiting gets married, have their own seperate things like cars, insurance, bank accounts, and just different ways of life. Our teacher told us of a story of a couple that he saw that were having problems in their marriage and the man said that he is worried for his pregnant wife, and my teacher asked why and the man stated that he is worried that she will not be able to pay her half of the rent because she is not going to work as often. 

The story of the worried husband taught me an important lesson that even though marriage is more of a risk to blindly begin to live together after marriage, it is something that helps us become one. When hard times come we work together to fix it because we are now sharing bank accounts, cars, talents, goals, hopes, and dreams. We are committed to each other and our other half. I know that my husband and I have a long way to go in enduring through life, but we are bound together in all aspects of life, and that is what I believe makes a successful marriage. 

I'm on the right track baby... we're you born this way??

So I think you can guess by my title what we talked about in class this week. haha Gender roles and understanding same-sex attraction. It has always intrigued me that people would say that gays where born gay and there is no changing it. But is that true? I found out this week. A therapist that helps men change from gay to straight talked about the contributing factors in becoming gay. Some of them are:

Bullying: Of course I knew that kids at school would tease other boys that were not as "boyish" as others, but I never thought of bullying in the home. Older brothers teasing younger ones can really hurt brothers that look up to older siblings.
Father Hungry: Without a father in the home to help, support, and to just be with their son, the child at home can become confused on how to act like a boy and live life without a father. What would it be like if your father never was around or completely out of your life?
Mother Confusion: There are many cases where the mother can be in control of the relationship between husband and wife, or the child is too close to the mother..
Sexual Touching: One of the men that was being interviewed stated that when he was 2 he was molested by a male and he was only told about it when he was older and he believe that he was born that way! Maybe it was this experience that made him question his sexuality.
and Pornography: Pornography had an introduction to thought and feeling that were not there before and creates a feeling of intimidation and lack of self-esteem.

As I watched this film, I realized that it is still possible for people to change and become who they want to be. I know that we all have trials in life, but we can always change. No person is just born one way or another. We can always change our ways and our habits. I loved the interview between those that changed to like girls again, and the joy they felt because they fit in again and began to have higher self-esteem. I learned from these men that we all have a divine role and that God loves us and wants us to be happy. He knows that happiness comes through keeping eternal laws and divine roles in our lives.

If you want to watch this video here it is! : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jJhyzqdzpnM 

Culture. Kultura. Cultura.

So today's topic is Culture.  I wonder how culture even are started. Culture is defined as an inherited behavior or way of thinking. Culture is a norm or tradition in the family, race, different places to live, and even religion. To me, culture is something that we are so comfortable with that we don't even realize other families or races do anything different than our way of living.

I remember when I was living in the Philippines for about a year and a half serving for my church, I was absorbed in a world with a different culture and language. I never thought that culture shock was a real thing, but boy howdy! It was true to the meaning. It was shocking. I remember walking into my first apartment and seeing the conditions. No AC. Doing laundry by hand. No toilet paper. Bucket showers. and No clean water (we had to pump our water for showers, washing dishes, and doing laundry) You can call me a brat, but I don't know how to live without these things! I never realized that not only anyone can live without those things but it is a totally NORMAL thing! I remember crying a little in my bed thinking "What am I doing here?" I mean. I don't think anyone can just be used to these thinks right off the bat especially after an 18 hour flight and one emotional jet lag-ed girl lost and confused with no one to talk to in an unknown world.

Now, thinking of my whole experience of my mission in the Philippines, the things that made me cry of despair and sadness, now make me cry wishing I could go back and live like that again. The culture of the Philippines is AMAZING. The people are the sweetest people you will ever met! They are respectful, modest, loving, and family is number one. Families live together to help the elderly, save as much money as possible, and that is just simply culture!

During class this week, we talked a lot about the Mexican culture and how there is a huge culture cross with Mexican culture and American culture, and something I never thought about is that the "Mexican culture" that we all know here in America is completely different that the culture they have in Mexico! As we were talking about all the different struggles of a strong family trying to make it to America for a better life, they begin to realize that their dream might be a nightmare. The father struggles to get jobs and the mother begins to enter the work force and loses her relationship with her children and when they finally make it, the living conditions are hard and the family is struggling. As we were talking about this I realized that they also have a culture shock and have to change their traditions or customs for American customs and traditions.

As we were talking about this, I was overwhelmed with the thought of me struggling moving to the Philippines and compared it to others moving to America and struggling with disappointment and trying to love the "American dream." I was overwhelmed with emotion in realizing that I have misjudged other races like Mexican or Koreans and trying to keep old traditions from their homeland and get along and understand our traditions and customs. So maybe when you see a party in the park on Sunday with pinatas and a Mexican BBQ, think about their cultures and traditions then think about yours and hopefully you realize, just like me, that we all have norms and inherited behavior that keeps friends and family together.

So that is my two cents for this week in learning about the family and culture. Hope you liked it! So what do you believe about family culture? What is a tradition in your family? One for example, for me, every Christmas Eve, we would open new PJs, then all of the siblings would make a fort and all 8 of us would sleep together waiting impatiently for Santa to come. How about getting married? Which traditions will you keep? Will you start new traditions? What do you think?

Rules.

Okay. So another good week learning about the family. Today I wanted to talk about rules of the family. Isn't it funny that we are all have family and we all know what family life is but we have so many different ways of being in a family and how the family works. I never realized how different raising a family was until I started seriously dating and then marrying my husband. We are a LOT alike, but at the same time SO different.

One of the things that makes the family different is the rules of the home. In class this week, we wrote down 8-10 rules of the home that were unspoken lists of acceptable/unacceptable behaviors in my personal family. Believe it or not, it was actually a challenge to think about the different rules in my families. However I found 8 different rules and they are: 

1. NO screaming whatsoever. (when we were babies if we ever screamed because we wanted something... we learned our lesson from my father) 
2. Dad makes the money and mom takes care of the kids
3. Young children go to bed earlier than older children
4. No back talking mom. Ever.
5. Ask Dad first then mom- Dad will always say yes haha
6. Dinner is at the dinner table
7. Dad controls the thermostat
8. There is always a snack after schoolSo what are some of YOUR family unspoken rules? How did you learn about them? experience? watching another siblings?

Another thing I learned is that in a well functioning family, rules help maintain order and stability while at the same time allowing changes with changing circumstances. We are all growing and because of that we are all changing and evolving into different people. Our rules are what set us free and make us closer with our family.

Delay Marriage??

So this week I learn a LOT about the family and I honestly can't decide what I want to talk about... population, the new trends in America, the new law in the US concerning the gay/lesbian getting married. I am sure that one day I will talk about all of these topics... but today is not that day..

One of the things that I wanted to talk about was delayed marriage. I really felt that it was important issue and decided to dedicate this blog post to it today. As I was studying about delayed marriage (one of the new trends in America) it really intrigued me why people now-a-days don't get married. (I recently got married and I LOVE marriage and I wondered why no one wants to do the same) anyways, as I was studying I came across a study on single mothers and how they contribute to delayed marriage and why it was more common in single mothers than single fathers.

In the study, it stated that no matter what, children that grow up in non-traditional family may learn that marriage is not important since they have seen the example of single parents. Parents have a strong example to their children. As the exposure and duration of a single parent family structure will increase chance of delayed marriage.

So why single mothers? In this study it stated that single mothers socialize their offspring toward more independence and non-gender rules in work and family. The statement that really made me thing was that girls and young women attach to the single mother as a role model and identify themselves with them, whereas men find a different male role model. WOW. that is so true. I have a friend that is really close to her single mother before she passed away, and she was best friends with her mother. I mean it is just a thing that women do. (well most) They connect with other women! that is just a thing we do, especially a mother-daughter relationship.

I never realized that the example of the home that someone lives in growing up can effect a delay in marriage. I would love to hear some things that caused you to delay marriage? why do people do that?

As I am married to my best friend, I have found continuous happiness. When I was single, I would find burst of happiness once and a while but then I would always be looking for the next burst of happiness, whether it is doing a dare, kissing a boy, or having a fun weekend. But now, it is a continual happiness always then bursts of happiness whether it was making up after a heated discussion, laughing at each other, or doing something adventurous together. I realize that we are growing together and becoming one every day. Marriage is great and it is even greater when you are NOT delaying it.

I want to know what you think! Comment below. Thanks for listening! Peace.

Howdy Y'all. Yes y'all is a word and it is used frequently in my home. I am from Oklahoma and live on a ranch, raising black Angus cattle. My dad is a hard-worker and provides for my mother and their 8 children. Family is a big deal in my life, and it always will.

This blog is dedicated to the family and its role in the society and the world we live in. Keep reading! I KNOW you will have something to learn and discuss about this amazing and constantly changing topic.